🌈 NEW TECHNOLOGY

The "Emily" Weather Remote Control

Finally, the power to control the weather is in your hands. Sunny days on demand. Rain when you want it. Your sky, your rules.

24°C
$999.99 $499.99 — Limited Time!

Unprecedented Features

Engineered with technology that definitely exists and works perfectly

🎯

Precision Targeting

Target weather changes to specific GPS coordinates. Want it sunny at your barbecue but rainy at your neighbor's? We got you.

Instant Response

Weather changes in under 30 seconds. Our proprietary CloudBurst™ technology interfaces directly with the atmosphere.*

📱

App Integration

Sync with our app to schedule weather events. Set "sunny" for your wedding day months in advance!

🔋

Long Battery Life

One charge controls the weather for up to 6 months. Uses less power than controlling all of nature should.

🌍

Global Range

Works anywhere on Earth. Also works on Mars if you're Elon Musk and reading this for some reason.

🤫

Silent Operation

Nobody will know you're controlling the weather. Perfect for avoiding awkward conversations with climate scientists.

Technical Specifications

Numbers that sound impressive and scientific

Range (km)
8
Weather Modes
0.3
Response Time (sec)
100%
Success Rate*

What People Are Saying

Real reviews from totally real customers

★★★★★

"I used the storm button at my ex's outdoor wedding. Worth every penny. 10/10 would recommend for petty revenge."

😈
Karen M.Verified
Professional Grudge Holder
★★★★★

"As a meteorologist, I was skeptical. Now I'm unemployed but at least I control the weather, so who's laughing now?"

🌦️
Dr. Steve StormVerified
Former Weather Channel Host
★★★★☆

"Only 4 stars because the rainbow button doesn't work at night. Other than that, absolute game changer for my golf game."

Bob "Sunny Days" JohnsonVerified
Weekend Warrior

Frequently Asked Questions

Everything you need to know (and some things you don't)

Is this legal?

Great question! There are currently no laws against controlling the weather because lawmakers never thought anyone could do it. You're basically a pioneer in unregulated atmospheric manipulation!

What if two people want opposite weather?

Our servers use advanced AI to determine who "deserves" their preferred weather more based on social credit scores, karma, and who ordered their remote first.

Can I cause a hurricane?

The hurricane feature is locked behind a $10,000 DLC. We're not irresponsible, we're just entrepreneurs.

What about climate change?

With Weather Remote Control™, climate change becomes climate choice! Just keep pressing the button you like. Problem solved. Nobel Prize, here we come.

Is there a warranty?

All sales are final. But if the weather doesn't change, just remember: sometimes the weather was going to do that anyway. You can't prove it wasn't working.

Ready to Play God?

Join thousands of customers who've taken control of the skies. What could possibly go wrong?

$999.99 $499.99 — 50% Off Today!